This week the Conservatives announced that they would insist in the future upon a cooling off period for couples thinking about divorce. I am of the view that most couples will not welcome a three month delay but see it as one other issue in a long line of frustrations facing them in their daily lives.
This week a client expressed to me the difficulties that she faced in her life that led her to the conclusion that she could no longer tolerate the frustrations of a relationship. This led me to thinking about the huge number of relationship breakdown and the challenges that members of the public face every day in their daily lives that cause them not to be able to cope in any area at all but particularly in their relationships. Put simply, why is life in Britain so difficult and so frustrating?
I then conducted a survey of 20 people in my office of the most frustrating areas of their lives which causes rows at home. They revealed:
Banks and Building Societies
Most people felt frustrated with banks and building societies. They complained that they can never get through. Many feel that they should simply be able to pick up the telephone to their branch and discuss a difficulty which would take just a few moments.
The anxiety that they may have felt from the outset turns into hysteria by the time they have gone twice through the automated system, held for the right department, only to be cut off just at the moment that they were to be put through. They will be asked endlessly to go through security systems only to be cut off, this causes them to be angry and ready to row when they get home.
Sky television or cable
This again appeared to cause a spiral of frustration. When you finally get through to a human voice, this was then countered by issues that were incomprehensible. Most people do not understand the packages that are being fired at them or the true cost of them or how long it will take, or what is involved. The frustration of the timing of the installations caused people to feel that they simply could not cope and led to rows at home.
Internet connections
This was the third biggest group of frustration felt by people interviewed. Many suggested that just at the point when they were researching something important or were about to send an important message for their business or otherwise, at the crucial point connection ceases. They would find themselves banging on their keyboards, screaming at their screens at which point their partner would tell them to calm down which would then send them into orbit. Rows would ensue and the next stop would be the divorce lawyers? office.
Telephone queuing systems
One of the most frustrating aspects of British life appears to be communication with human beings. Most people comment that trying to get through to any public body, be it credit card companies, doctors? surgeries and more particularly local councils, raises any anxiety to heart attack level.
The frustration of pressing the relevant key and being held for so long listening to music that would try the patience of an angel, simply does not assist the smooth transition of daily life. Local Councils came in for the greatest criticism since what has been experienced is a lack of appreciation of the English language. Many who dealt with the survey commented that they found it incomprehensible to place someone in charge of telephone enquiries whose English was so bad that they could not be understood by the average person.
Because the English are so polite they do not wish to offend and accordingly would not be forceful in the fact that there query had not been answered or understood and could not therefore take the matter further. They would get home and take it out on their partner.
Traffic jams
Many people particularly those of middle classes drive to work. It is inordinately frustrating therefore to be held in a major traffic jam only to find that the cause of this is the coning off of a tiny area of road upon which no one appears to be working at all. This interruption in daily travel would go on for weeks if not months with no adequate explanation simply because someone somewhere decided to dig a hole.
Rubbish collection and recycling
This has caused the greatest amount of distress. Some felt that their rubbish had piled up over a period of time because of the manner of collections in the area. Others commented that the recycling process was becoming pure torture. In some areas the requirement of putting wet food in one recyclable bag that was only available from the Council who would never be available to provide them, was intolerable.
But it was the disparity from one Council to the other that is causing distress. Accordingly one group of people would find that they could throw anything they wanted into a bag and into a bin whereas others find themselves subjected to daily torture and inspection of their rubbish bags to the point of insanity. Rows would ensue between partners regarding the potential for obtaining a fine from the Council rubbish detectives.
Deliveries of anything to the household
One area that causes that huge rows between couples is who is going to stay in to take a delivery of any parcel or someone who is coming to repair the gas, electricity or anything else within the home. Why is it that in Britain we can only be offered morning or afternoon whereas every other European country can offer a delivery or service to the hour. So often someone will take part of their holiday to wait in for a service man, only to find that they do not turn up.
Mobile phone cutting out
So many people end up in spiral of total insanity because in the midst of an important sentence or phone call the line will cut off. Their frustration will mount if suddenly without reason or warning the mobile phone will cut out endlessly causing the recipient of their telephone call to become angry and in turn spoil a new business or other friendship. This can start the spiral that will lead to infinite rows.
Public transport
The correlation between the delayed or cancelled trains or buses and arguments within relationships cannot be underestimated. Evenings out that have ruined because of lateness of arrival, wonderful shared moments that have to be cancelled, and lateness for work which will spiral throughout the day, are endless. If only public transport in Britain could run to the timetable of abroad, then perhaps we would have a major reduction in the number of divorces.
Lack of politeness
Having had a day of trying to get through to public bodies, banks, awaiting deliveries at home, encountering someone who fails to thank you for letting them through in a traffic queue, can send you into overdrive. Most people in the survey noted that it was women who are the most rude in failing to say thank you when they have been let into a queue. Politeness does not cost.
It will make the difference between someone having a good day or a bad day and impacting on their relationship. Similarly politeness in stores is also something that can impact on someone psyche for the entire day. Being ignored in shops or treated as if you do not exist while the sales people have a nice chat between themselves, can also lead people to a spiral of anger and frustration.
So if we could only learn to communicate better and improve our public services in this country, life would certainly be better for so many and make Britain a far happier place.
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