How to plan ahead, reduce conflict, and prioritise your children’s wellbeing
Article Summary
School holidays and important religious celebrations can place pressure on even the most cooperative parenting arrangements. Clear child arrangements help you avoid last-minute disputes, reduce stress for your children, and create a structure that works for both parents.
Clear child arrangements help you avoid last-minute disputes, reduce stress and uncertainty for your children, and create a structure that works for both parents. A well-prepared parenting plan, supported by mediation or legal advice where needed, can make holiday periods more predictable and positive for everyone involved.
Why Holidays Often Create Tension
For many separated parents, term-time routines provide structure. School hours, clubs, and weekly schedules naturally guide contact arrangements. School holidays remove that structure. Suddenly, there is more time to divide, more decisions to take, and often higher expectations from both parents and children.
Religious festivals and cultural celebrations can create similar challenges. Whether your family celebrates Christmas, Easter, Eid, Diwali, Passover, Hanukkah, Rosh Hashanah or other important occasions, these events often carry significant emotional, cultural and family importance. Discussing them early can help prevent future disagreements. Questions quickly arise:
- Who will the children spend Christmas with?
- How are summer holidays shared fairly?
- Can one parent take the children abroad?
- What happens if plans change at short notice?
Without clear child arrangements, these periods can lead to misunderstandings or conflict. In some cases, disagreements escalate and will then require formal intervention through mediation initially or if mediation is not successful the family court.
What Are Child Arrangements?
Child arrangements refer to the practical agreement between parents about where their children live and how they spend time with each parent.
These arrangements can be informal, agreed between parents verbally or documented in a parenting plan, or formalised through a child arrangement order which will be decided by the court. They typically cover:
- Where the children live (sometimes referred to as shared custody or joint custody)
- When the children spend time with each parent
- Holiday contact arrangements
- Special occasions such as birthdays, religious celebrations, and family “milestone” events such a weddings.
The focus is always on the best interests of the children, not the preferences of either parent.
If you are finding it difficult to agree child arrangements, speaking to a specialist can bring clarity quickly. Lloyd Platt & Co Childcare Solicitors provide practical, tailored advice to help you reach a solution that works for you and your children. Contact the team today to discuss your situation in confidence.
Planning for Different School Holidays
Summer Holidays
The summer break is the longest and often the most complex to organise. Many families choose to split the holiday into blocks. For example:
- Two weeks with one parent, then two weeks with the other
- Alternating weeks throughout the holiday
- One parent taking a longer period for travel, balanced elsewhere
Advance planning and a willingness to be flexible is essential, particularly if either parent wishes to travel abroad. Permission from the other parent may be required, depending on your circumstances, the destination and duration of proposed trips and any existing orders.
Christmas and Festive Periods
Christmas can be emotionally sensitive. It is often important to both parents and extended family, including grandparents. Common approaches include:
- Alternating Christmas Day each year
- Splitting the holiday period, for example Christmas Eve with one parent and Christmas Day with the other
- Agreeing fixed times for handovers to avoid confusion
Clarity is key. Vague agreements can quickly lead to disputes during an already pressured time.
Easter and Half-Term Breaks
Shorter holidays are often easier to manage but may still require clear contact arrangements. Often parents may agree to:
- Alternate each half term
- Divide Easter holidays equally
- Adjust arrangements to accommodate work commitments or travel
Flexibility can be helpful here, provided both parents communicate openly and prioritise consistency for the children.
Religious and Cultural Celebrations
Religious celebrations are often just as important as school holidays when planning child arrangements. These occasions may involve extended family gatherings, religious services, cultural traditions and long-established family routines that contribute to a child’s sense of identity and belonging.
Depending on your family’s circumstances, parents may agree that children spend particular celebrations with one parent, alternate celebrations each year, or divide holiday periods to allow children to participate in important events with both sides of the family.
For example, arrangements may need to accommodate Eid celebrations, Diwali gatherings, Passover meals, Hanukkah traditions, Christmas celebrations, or significant dates within the Jewish calendar such as Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The most appropriate solution will depend on the needs of the children and the importance of the celebration within the family.
Wherever possible, parents should focus on preserving meaningful traditions for their children rather than viewing these occasions as a source of conflict.
The Importance of a Parenting Plan
A written parenting plan can help you set out expectations clearly and reduce the risk of future disagreements.
It is not legally binding, but it provides structure and clarity. If needed, it can later support a court application and can be negotiated in mediation.
Example Parenting Plan (Holiday Arrangements)
Summer Holidays
- Children spend the first two weeks with Parent A
- Children spend the following two weeks with Parent B
- Remaining weeks alternated weekly
Christmas Holidays
- Christmas Eve and morning with Parent A in even years, Parent B in odd years
- Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day with the other parent
Religious Celebrations
- Eid alternates annually between parents
- Passover Seder attended with Parent A’s family in even years and Parent B’s family in odd years
- Rosh Hashanah alternates annually
- Christmas Day (alternates as set out above)
Easter Holidays
- First week with Parent A
- Second week with Parent B
Half-Term Breaks
- Alternating between parents
Travel and Special Arrangements
- Each parent to provide at least four weeks’ notice of travel plans
- Written consent required for international travel
Communication
- Reasonable contact by phone or video call when children are with the other parent
This type of structure provides clarity while still allowing for flexibility where needed.
Parenting plans can cover many other issues to ensure a child’s needs are fully met; for example to specify educational plans, activities, therapies and treatments.
What If You Cannot Agree?
Not all parents are able to reach an agreement independently. Emotions, past conflict, or concerns about behaviour can make discussions difficult.
Mediation can be particularly effective where parents disagree about religious observance, attendance at services, festival celebrations, or the role of cultural traditions following separation.
In these situations, mediation is often the first step.
A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting allows you to explore whether mediation is suitable. It provides a structured environment to reach agreement with the support of an impartial professional.
If mediation is unsuccessful or not appropriate, you may need to apply to the family court for a child arrangements order. The court may involve CAFCASS, who can prepare a report and, in some cases, recommend attendance at a CAFCASS parenting course.
The court’s role is to make decisions in the best interests of the children, taking into account all relevant circumstances.
Where communication has broken down, mediation can offer a constructive way forward. Lloyd Platt & Co’s mediation team can support you through the process, helping you reach a clear and practical agreement without the need for court proceedings. Get in touch to explore whether mediation is the right option for you.
Addressing More Complex Situations
In some cases, holiday arrangements are complicated by wider concerns, such as:
- Allegations of parental alienation
- Disputes about child custody arrangements and parental responsibility
- Concerns about the safety or wellbeing of the children
Differences in religious observance or cultural expectations can also create challenges, particularly where parents have different views about how traditions should continue following separation.
These situations require careful handling and specialist input. Early legal advice will help you understand your position and avoid escalating conflict unnecessarily.
Practical Tips for Smoother Holiday Arrangements
- Plan early and confirm arrangements in writing
- Be clear about dates, times, and responsibilities
- Consider your children’s routines and preferences
- Keep communication focused and respectful
- Avoid involving children in adult disagreements
- Remain flexible where possible, but consistent where it matters
Well-managed child arrangements reduce stress not just for parents, but for children who benefit from stability and predictability.
When to Seek Legal Advice
You should consider speaking to a solicitor for support and advice if:
- You cannot agree on holiday contact arrangements
- Existing arrangements are breaking down and/or plans are frequently changing
- You are concerned about your child’s welfare
- You need to formalise an agreement through the court
Working with specialists in family law ensures you receive clear, practical guidance tailored to your circumstances.
Child Arrangements FAQs
Do I have to pay child maintenance during school holidays?
Yes. Child maintenance is separate from contact arrangements and continues regardless of how time is shared during holidays, unless otherwise agreed or formally varied.
What happens if the other parent cancels agreed holiday contact?
If this happens occasionally, it may be resolved through discussion. However, repeated cancellations could indicate a breakdown in the agreement. In these situations, mediation or legal advice can help you establish more reliable and enforceable contact arrangements.
Moving Forward with Confidence
School holidays, religious celebrations and important family occasions should be opportunities for children to enjoy meaningful time with both parents, maintain important family traditions and make shared memories. With the right planning, child arrangements can support stability, continuity and a strong sense of identity during and after separation.
If you need support with child arrangements, whether you are planning ahead or dealing with a dispute, our team can help you find a practical and child-focused solution.
Contact us today for clear, tailored advice and take the first step towards a more stable and workable arrangement for your family. Call us on 0208 343 2998 or click to contact our divorce and family lawyers in London or our mediation team.
