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Battle of the sexes (or soon to be exes)

This week Anna Pasternak raised the issue of the conflict between Alpha Woman and Gamma Man. I am very pleased that she did so because what she has done is to highlight a problem that divorce lawyers countrywide are seeing every day with the collapse of relationships on an epidemic scale.

Whilst I do not necessarily agree that in every case an Alpha Woman will fail with a more gentle non successful partner, nevertheless the issue she has raised can be transposed on to many divorce cases recently before the Courts.

It is now absolutely apparent that there is a distinct pattern of conflict where a woman becomes more successful than her partner. We call it competing ego syndrome where the behaviour Anna Pasternak has described is all too familiar.

The emasculated male, instead of supporting and nurturing his successful wife, will deliberately seek to undermine and criticise her in order to maintain control. Men may be able to send rockets to Mars and back but when it comes to relationships, many of today’s men are Neanderthal. Men will often lash out in a childlike manner and/or try to isolate their wives from their families and friends to try and regain their own prominent status.

They do this by being rude to their wife’s family or uncooperative in making arrangements to see family or friends or whoever the wife would wish them to see. They will not wish to hear of their wife?s successes and will find a reason to denigrate any part of the excitement that the Alpha female wishes to exude.

It is often the case that whilst in their work or friendships the Alpha female will be bubbly, happy and well balanced, in her relationships she will find that she has no point of reference to deal with the hostility that she faces at home. She will often become withdrawn and needy with her partner culminating in desperate attempts to make her partner happy which will not succeed as most of both Alpha and Gamma men enjoy the unhappiness they know they are bringing.

They often refer to their wives as “Miss Goody Two Shoes” or “Miss Wonderful” or “Aren’t you Miss Popular”. These expressions are very confusing to the Alpha female because she only wishes to be loved. The problems she is experiencing are with both Alpha and Gamma men alike.

So many women describe the same scenario, that after huge success or stress that would floor a Rhinoceros, all she really desires is a hug and affection from her partner to make the whole world seem sunny and bright. She doesn’t necessarily want to conquer the world or spend her whole time at work.

She does wish to have a balance between work and home. How pathetic it is of our male generation that they are so eaten up with self indulgence and pity that they cannot appreciate how very easy it is today to keep most women radiantly happy.

How often has the Daily Mail run articles expressing the view of so many women that they would wish to give up work to remain at home. The reason for this is because they cannot cope with the duality of careers and running a home and children but more particularly because of the additional resentment that so many are experiencing from their partners.

This is not an over exaggerated or simplistic view, it is from listening to the pleas of literally thousands of women who are forced into divorce for lack of any nurturing or sense of well being from their men today. This is not a selfish expectation on the part of women but what they should realistically expect.

I do not accept that today’s Alpha Woman is utterly selfish and unaware of her partner?s needs. When I wrote my book? The Secrets of Relationship Success? three years ago, I highlighted this problem. Since that time many women are acutely aware of the rise of Alpha Women and have bent over backwards to please their man. However exhausted they feel from work they will rush to cook their husband’s favourite meal to raise a smile, or despite total exhaustion, try to act to compensate in the bedroom.

They will unerringly listen to their husband’s problems or desires but what they are receiving in return is a barren, cold, unhappy and resentful environment where their partner will deliberately shower happiness on everyone else except her. I call these men ‘passive aggressives’.

It is now time for society as a whole, and in particular our men, to take a good hard look at what they want from their lives too. Many men are finding that women are instigating divorce and this is because they are desperately seeking love and affection. Men complain endlessly to me of loneliness and surprise in that they just think their wives have simply gone mad.

The words of Paul McCartney’s song come to mind .. “All those lonely people, where do they all come from?”. There is an answer and an easy remedy in the words of another Beatles song “All you Need is Love”.

If you have any family law enquiries please contact us on 02083 432 998 or complete the enquiry form online.

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