Are Men King of the Financial Castle in the Home?

As a divorce lawyer with twenty eight years experience I was very interested to read of Tessa Jowell’s current predicament. At present there appears to be a media frenzy criticising her for her purported lack of knowledge of her husband’s financial affairs but this could well be true.

At least eighty to ninety percent of all women that come to see me to seek a divorce have absolutely no knowledge of any part of their husband’s finances. In fact, the more intelligent the woman, the more affluent the background, the less likely she is to know anything at all. From Judges, bankers, barristers, solicitors, housewives, or dealers in the City, women appear to go into spasm and revert to an amoebic state over this issue.

As women, we may believe that we are taking over the world, but in the home in relation to finances men remain the king of the castle.

I have often been troubled over this issue and why this should be the case. Why from the highly successful, high flying woman to the poorest housewife they have no notion that they are:

  • Not a joint owner of their home or have no idea of the amount of mortgage secured on their home.
  • the level of their husband?s wages.
  • whether or not their husband has a pension and if so its value.
  • whether there is an endowment connected with the mortgage.
  • whether there are any life assurance policies, or
  • whether their partner has made a Will and what might be in it.

Furthermore, women often have no notion of the level of household bills or debts.

So what is the reason for this? My belief is that in most cases women find it very difficult to raise this issue with their man, mainly because they do not want to be accused of being greedy or suspicious.

In many cases as soon as the subject is raised men will become defensive and angry, often using phrases such as “so you don’t trust me” or “you should trust me” followed by a quick exit from the room. This usually prevents any further discussions on the topic, particularly as women generally do not like to ‘rock the boat’ so stay quiet about the issue.

Women are generally more trusting than men so upon the basis that most women like to believe that they are loved and cherished and therefore will not be let down by their man, they continue to live in a naive sense of security rather than even raise the issue. Love really can be blind.

There is also an element of obstinacy in the intelligent woman in that they have to believe that if they have chosen a husband, they could not be wrong in their choice and accordingly will not be let down.

If women are feeling financially secure they will generally not raise any questions about it so whilst in reality their whole family finances can be precarious and based entirely upon debit and credit cards, they will not question their lifestyle so long as it continues.

It is only when divorce or relationship breakdown occurs, that these questions can suddenly be asked for the first time. How many times have I witnessed the shock and despair of women who discover that their house was not in joint names but in his name alone and that the entire equity has been charged to his business that is now in financial difficulties. Alternatively, often the level of debts will mean that there is a threat of bankruptcy putting their half share of the home (if they have one) at risk.

It is at this point that so many women will say “why was I so stupid?”, “why didn’t I ask?”. “why didn’t I question anything?”. These women are not alone, in fact, they are the norm.

Of course there are many couples who do discuss all of their finances and have complete openness between them. They are the couples who are less likely to find relationships ending.

If you are one of the women who know nothing, it is now time to take stock and learn more about your position if you want to. You do not have to choose a confrontation but can learn more yourself in the following ways:

  1. You can do a search on your property to establish the ownership.
  2. You can phone the bank or building society to find out the level of your mortgage.
  3. You can sit down and work out outgoings so that you are more knowledgeable about your affairs as well as trying to engage your husband in a conversation that you simply want to feel less uninformed, and blame me.

So before you convict Tessa Jowell without a trial, think of the ignorance of the masses of women in this country who through force of habit, simply because we are trusting women are placed in this position.

If you have any family law enquiries please contact us on 02083 432 998 or complete the enquiry form online.

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